no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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