Whatcha textin bout Willis?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
