saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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