I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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