This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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