Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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