Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
