kristin has been a bad kristin
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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