i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
