i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
