My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
