So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
