Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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