He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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