Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
