apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
