i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
