The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I love having hate sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
