i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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