i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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