I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think i got beer on your cat.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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