I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize