that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
