Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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