I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
