Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found puke in my bra..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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