Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
