And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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