also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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