just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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