What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
