tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
