And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize