Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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