If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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