I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
