Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
