it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
