The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
