A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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