would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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