It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
