The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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