then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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