Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
