i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
