those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
