rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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