Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
