Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
