i wish there were pregnant emoticons
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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