Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
