Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
