i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
