i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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