I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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