Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
