everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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