just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
