my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
