I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
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So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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