Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
