her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
