Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
