omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
