Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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