I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
