take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
