you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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